you have to rsvp
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So you get an invitation in the mail – maybe it’s a wedding, maybe it’s a shower, maybe it’s even a birthday party — no matter what it is, if the invitation requests that you RSVP, you must.
RSVP is short for the French saying “Répondez, s’il vous plaît,” translated to, “Please reply.” It’s just a way of telling you that the host wants to know if you are coming or not.
You should reply within a day or two of receiving the invitation – yes, a day or two. It doesn’t take that long to check your calendar and confirm with your S.O. if necessary. Don’t make this a commitment issue. And at the very latest, reply by the deadline given (if there is one). If RSVP is for regrets only, you just need to let the host know if you cannot attend. So if you do not respond, he/she will be expecting you!
How you respond can depend. If there was a response card included with the invite: USE IT, especially if they already stamped it for you – there is absolutely no excuse here. Plus, they took the time to stamp it and it’s only courteous. If there is not a response card, use the provided method — typically email or phone. Side note, if it’s a phone number, you should always call, don’t try to text. Some people still have landlines (you know, the ones attached the wall at home) so the number might not be able to receive a text message. Don’t be that person; pick up the phone.
Did you change your mind about going? If you RSVP’d yes – it is only acceptable to cancel under certain circumstances. If there has been a death, illness or unavoidable work conflict – call the host IMMEDIATELY. Cancelling because something better came up since you RSVP’d? That’s just rude. If you RSVP’d no – you can change to a yes if, and only if, it doesn’t cause the host any trouble. And please be apologetic about it.
RSVP yes and you don’t show up? Well that’s a sure-fire way to never get invited again. From anyone. People talk.
Now for those three little words. And no, I don’t mean I love you. I mean “Can I bring…?”. I have three words to say back to you: Don’t Even Ask. The invitation is addressed to everyone that the host wants to invite and no one else. I’m going to repeat that one more time for the people in the back — the invitation is addressed to every single person the host wants to invite.
So, you want to bring…
a guest – only if the invitation is addressed to you and guest. And when you RSVP, make sure you let the host know if you are bringing that guest, plus who they are. If you don’t tell them you are bringing someone with you, they will think you are coming alone.
your kids – only if the invitation was addressed to invite them. This would look something like “The Faulkner Family” or “Jamie, Kelly and Kids”. Otherwise, you have to leave them at home (and, of course, with a sitter if necessary).
someone staying with you – best to decline the invitation for this reason and let the host extend an invite to bring them along.
Think of it this way – have you ever hosted an event and had no idea who, or even how many people, was coming? Annoying right? How does one even plan for that!? You don’t. So please don’t do that to your host. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
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